We all thought it, “Miss Backwards is gone and is never coming back.” I certainly did. Once you stop blogging and tell yourself that you have other priorities to think about, all you want to do is blog and write. Tell people about new, meaningless things as a way of assuring yourself that you won’t forget how to write content that doesn’t begin with “It can be argued that…” or “It is popular opinion amongst critics…” But then you write that context, well those essays, and you forget your blog. Then suddenly I woke up one Saturday in May allowing myself time to finally blog and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to write a blog post, I’d been so busy wrapped up in analysis of literary works and kingships that I didn’t know how to type like a normal person. I didn’t know how to connect with an audience. Be the girl I was in posts, the bright and breezy girl who didn’t use “thus” and consider the relative importance of factors. Uninspired and disheartened at my writing skills I put blogging back to the bottom of the list, and if I’m honest I left it there. Not wanting to try, in fear of disappointment.
I’ve never felt so distant from this blog it’s crazy, it’s turned from a great hobby and passion to the space a girl who sometimes writes like me with my (out of date) photo in the sidebar used to be. I no longer feel that Miss Backwards is me, but then she is the girl I was when I went away, not the woman I am returning. I’m different now, I’m older, I’m wiser, and I no longer want to write filler posts or put up half-arsed content because I want views and that’s what everyone else is doing. I’m not going to mimic other people’s blogs; neither am I promising complete originality. Complete honesty, no bullshit, that’s what I want to write, I’m not going to fob you off with half true comments and reviews.
I have no idea what is going to happen in August, for once in my life I have no idea what the future has in store for me, and that scares me more than anything. The unknown makes the monsters under your bed look like a group who you would take to tea at your grandmas. I’m staring the unknown in the face and it’s grinning at me like the Cheshire cat. Come the 24th June I’m in limbo, I start a 6 week waiting game. I don’t know what will happen but I know that I’m finding Miss Backwards again, I’m going forward into the unknown, hopefully not alone.
Care to join?